Telling it like it is

I just don't get it. The local stores have all run dry of Nintento Wii consoles now. Why are people buying these things? They're warmed-over Gamecubes with a cute controller. They're nowhere near as powerful as the Xbollox360 or PS3, and they suffer the usual Nintendo kid-game syndrome where everything is SuperHappyFunFunKiddieMarioSunshine. On top of that, the controllers suffer from the usual motion-sensing problems of magnetic and infra-red fields. Why are people paying $250 and putting up with substandard Nintendo crap? Don't get me wrong - I used to be a total Nintendo bigot. I owned all their consoles because each one was the best one at the time. But they lost me with the Gamecube. There they had the perfect high-performance machine, and barely any 'real' games for it. The crowning moment of their doom was Zelda. All the previews showed bloody brilliant hyper-real, photo-textured, real-time illuminated super-gritty Zelda in full on action and battle sequ...

I just saw the new Hummer advert on TV. It's a series of headlines: seas rise, cities gripped in ice storms, floods, hurricanes lashing the shores. All stuff which some would argue is caused by global warming. The headlines gradually give way to small print stories about Hummer owners banding together to help stranded motorists. This all fades away and you're left with "Hummer Helps". Wow. Where to start? They're advertising that the Hummer helps to destroy the environment I guess. I mean what else could they mean? They can barely squeeze out 10mpg so they're helping by contributing to global warming. Of course I know what they're trying to do - they're trying to say that when Doomsday comes about, you'd better be in a Hummer. I don't know why though. They're only re-badged, re-bodyworked GM SUVs. There's nothing even remotely tough or environmentally friendly about them.

Daniel Craig it is, then:

The full album cover.

Pop quiz. This is a stripped down version of a famous album cover. Which album (and artist(e)), and for 10 extra points, who was the original artist. I'll add more components to the image over the coming days until I get a right answer :-)

Guess what the big new feature is on LG's new fridge? I just saw a commercial for it, and the earth-shattering development - ? Power doors. What? We can't open and close the doors on fucking fridge now? Come on - that's just unbelievably retarded. That's like these stupid power doors and tailgates on vans and high-end cars. If the human race has really got to the point where we can't even open and close doors any more, there's not much point in continuing to evolve is there?

I unashamedly read FHM magazine (for the articles, obviously :-)) and each month there's a collection of fun stuff, articles, jokes, tech and hot women. Only sometimes they're not so hot. Sometimes the airbrushing is too obvious, sometimes the plastic surgery or pneumatic tits are overpowering. Sometimes the botox, expressionless face or pumped-up lips are just wrong. But very occasionally, they'll feature someone that makes me go back and look at the photoshoot again and pore over the images like a spotty 15-year-old. Living in America, I have no idea who Abbey Clancy is - apparently she's famous for bonking someone who's actually famous. Either way, this made me go "hmmm." This is the female equivalent of Colin Farrell or Brad Pitt for my wife....